Nursery rhymes we didn't have as kids.

Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread.


There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.


Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again.


Jack and Jill went up the hill,To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son.


Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,'Pies, you dumb ass'


Mary had a little pig,She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard.